Why Children Often Have Tantrums After School or Nursery: Understanding the After-School Meltdown

As mums, you’ve probably experienced this countless times—your child comes home from school or nursery, and within minutes, they’re having a meltdown. It can be confusing and frustrating, especially after you thought they’d had a good day. But what’s really happening in those moments? Why do these tantrums seem to happen right when they walk through the door?

The truth is, after-school meltdowns are more common than we realise, and they often have to do with the emotional build-up your child experiences throughout the day.

Understanding what’s going on behind the scenes—both emotionally and physically—can help you respond with more compassion and less frustration. Let’s dive into what’s really behind these after-school tantrums and how to help your little ones through them.

The After-School "Letdown"

After a full day at school or nursery, your child has likely been holding it all together.

Whether they’re navigating social situations, following instructions, or adjusting to new routines, their little nervous system has been working overtime to stay regulated. At school or nursery, they’ve had to "perform" in a way that requires a lot of self-control and energy.

Once they’re back home—their safe space—all of that pent-up energy and emotion can come flooding out.

Why Does This Happen?

1. Emotional Overload

   Children experience a lot of stimulation during the day. They’re surrounded by other kids, absorbing information, following routines, and navigating different social dynamics. All of this can be overwhelming for their nervous system. Just like adults, kids can only hold it together for so long before they need to release those built-up emotions.

   
   

When they walk through the door, they feel safe enough to let down their guard. This often shows up as a tantrum or meltdown because they don’t yet have the tools to express their emotional overwhelm in a regulated way.

1. Transition Stress

   
   

   Transitions are hard for children. Going from one environment (school or nursery) to another (home) can be jarring, especially if they’re tired, hungry, or overstimulated. The change in pace or atmosphere can throw off their sense of stability, making them more prone to emotional outbursts.

   
   

This stress is amplified if your child is already feeling drained. Moving from a structured school environment, where they’re expected to follow rules and meet expectations, into the comfort of home can create a sense of disconnection and confusion, which they express through their behaviour.

1. Their Nervous System is Exhausted

   
   

   At the heart of all of this is your child’s nervous system. Throughout the day, their nervous system is constantly managing the balance between "fight-or-flight" and "rest-and-digest." In school or nursery, they’re often navigating a state of mild stress—adapting to their surroundings, managing emotions, and following instructions.

   
   

By the time they get home, their nervous system is likely exhausted. When kids are tired, their ability to regulate emotions is diminished, which is why they’re more prone to outbursts after a long day. It’s not that they’re being difficult on purpose—it’s that their little nervous system needs a break.

How You Can Help: Supporting Their Nervous System at Home

Understanding that your child’s meltdown is a natural response to a long day can help you manage these moments with more empathy. Instead of seeing it as bad behaviour, recognise that your child’s nervous system is simply overwhelmed.

So how can you support them through these moments? Here are a few practical tips:

1. Create a Calm Transition Home

   
   

   Transitions are tough, so try to create a calming environment when your child gets home. This could mean having a quiet space ready where they can decompress—whether it’s a cosy corner with soft blankets, a favourite stuffed animal, or some calming music in the background.

   
   

Allow them time to unwind and shift gears before jumping into after-school activities or conversations. Give them space to just "be" without expectations for a few minutes.

1. Offer Nourishment

   
   

   After a busy day, your child’s blood sugar might be low, which can contribute to crankiness and emotional outbursts. Offer a healthy snack—something that balances protein, fat, and fibre to help regulate their blood sugar and energy levels. A snack like sliced apples with almond butter or a small smoothie can do wonders for both their mood and their ability to regulate their emotions.

   
   

1. Acknowledge Their Feelings

   
   

   When your child is having a meltdown, it’s tempting to try to "fix" their behaviour right away, but what they often need most is validation. Acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, "I can see you had a big day, and it’s hard to keep all your feelings in. It’s okay to let them out now."

   
   

This simple act of validation helps your child feel seen and understood, which can naturally calm their nervous system.

1. Use Breathwork to Calm Their Body

   
   

   Breathing is one of the fastest ways to help your child regulate their nervous system. You can teach them a simple breathing exercise like belly breathing to use when they’re feeling upset:

   • Inhale deeply through the nose, filling the belly like a balloon.

   • Slowly exhale through the mouth, letting the belly soften.

     
     

Doing this together for just a few moments can help them regain control of their emotions and bring a sense of calm to the moment.

1. Be Their Calm Anchor

   
   

   One of the most powerful things you can do is regulate your own nervous system. Children often mirror the energy around them, so if you’re feeling frazzled or reactive, they’re more likely to act out. By staying calm and centred, you create an environment where your child feels safe to release their emotions without fear of judgment or punishment.

   
   

Remember, your own energy can have a profound impact on your child’s ability to self-regulate. If you feel overwhelmed yourself, take a few deep breaths before responding.

When you take care of your own nervous system, you’re better equipped to help your child manage theirs.

After-school or nursery tantrums aren’t a sign that you’re doing something wrong as a parent—they’re a natural release of emotional and physical tension that builds up during the day. By understanding that these meltdowns are a result of an overwhelmed nervous system, you can respond with compassion, patience, and practical tools to help your child regulate.

Creating a calm, supportive environment at home can make all the difference in how your child handles the after-school transition. Remember, it all starts with you. When you regulate your nervous system, you’re helping to regulate theirs, too. Let’s embrace these moments as opportunities to support their emotional growth and create a home filled with understanding, calm, and connection.