The Truth About Resentment in Motherhood (And How to Fix It)

Resentment is one of motherhood’s most unspoken emotions. Many mums experience it, but few talk about it.

Resentment can look like:

• Feeling frustrated that your partner gets more free time than you do.

• Carrying the mental load of parenting alone while your partner gets to “help.”

• Feeling underappreciated for all the invisible work you do.

• Watching your partner sleep peacefully while you handle yet another night feed.

  
  

If you feel a simmering frustration building under the surface, you are not alone.

Resentment doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or your family—it means your needs aren’t being met.

The good news? Resentment is fixable with awareness, communication, and small shifts in responsibility.

Why Do Mums Feel Resentment in Motherhood?

1. The Unequal Mental Load

Even in relationships where partners "help out", many mums still carry the mental burden of parenting.

✔ Knowing when the next doctor’s appointment is.

✔ Keeping track of which foods your toddler suddenly hates.

✔ Remembering birthdays, playdates, and school forms.

✔ Being the default parent for everything.

The mental load is invisible, which means it often goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

2. Lack of Time for Yourself

When every moment is spent caring for others, it’s easy to feel resentment towards those who seem to have more time, more freedom, and fewer responsibilities.

✔ Your partner goes out with friends, and you wonder when was the last time I did that?

✔ You carry the emotional burden of parenting, but your partner gets to be "the fun one."

✔ You haven’t had a moment to yourself all day, but your partner still gets time to scroll, relax, or shower in peace.

3. Feeling Like You’re Parenting Alone

When one parent takes on the majority of responsibility—physically, mentally, or emotionally—resentment naturally builds.

✔ If you have to ask for help instead of it being offered, it can feel like one-sided parenting.

✔ If you feel like your partner gets to “clock out” while you’re always on duty, exhaustion turns into frustration.

✔ If you handle the night wakes alone, while your partner sleeps through, it’s hard not to feel angry.

The feeling of "doing it all alone" is one of the biggest drivers of resentment.

How to Release Resentment and Restore Balance

1. Make the Invisible Load Visible

Many partners don’t realise the extent of what you’re carrying—not because they don’t care, but because they’ve never had to think about it.

💡 Try this:

• Write down every mental and emotional task you manage for the family.

• Have a conversation about how this load can be more equally shared.

• Ask your partner to own certain tasks completely—meaning you don’t have to remind or oversee them.

  
  

The goal isn’t just doing more tasks, it’s taking mental ownership of them.

2. Ask for Help Without Micromanaging

Many mums struggle to delegate because they fear it won’t be done "right."

But letting go of control is essential to letting go of resentment.

✔ If your partner handles bath time, let them do it their way.

✔ If your partner takes on a new responsibility, resist the urge to correct them.

✔ If they forget something, let them deal with the consequences.

When partners feel like they’re being monitored or criticised, they’re less likely to step up. Trust them to figure it out.

3. Have the Hard Conversation—Without Blame

If resentment is building, avoiding the conversation only makes it worse.

💡 Instead of saying:

• "You never help with the baby."

• "I do everything, and you do nothing."

✅ Try:

• "I’m feeling really overwhelmed, and I need more support."

• "I want us to feel like a team, but right now, I feel like I’m carrying a lot alone."

• "Can we find a better balance together?"

When partners feel accused, they shut down. When they feel invited into a solution, they step up.

4. Schedule Time for Yourself—Without Guilt

Many mums feel resentful because they give everything to others and leave nothing for themselves.

✔ Start claiming your time back.

✔ Book it in the calendar just like any other commitment.

✔ Stop waiting for permission.

💡 Try this:

• One evening a week, leave the house for an hour (go for a walk, meet a friend, sit in a coffee shop).

• Schedule a solo morning once a month and have your partner take over completely.

• Take a break—even when things feel chaotic.

You don’t have to "deserve" rest. You don’t have to wait until you reach breaking point. You just have to take it.

5. Let Go of the Scorekeeping Mentality

One of the biggest drivers of resentment is keeping score—who sleeps more, who changes more nappies, who gets more free time.

But scorekeeping doesn’t create balance—it creates frustration.

✔ Instead of comparing, communicate.

✔ Instead of holding in frustration, express your needs before resentment builds.

✔ Instead of assuming your partner sees what you do, make it visible.

The goal isn’t "perfect equality"—it’s shared effort, shared support, and mutual respect.

Resentment in motherhood isn’t a personal failure—it’s a sign that something needs to change.

✔ Your needs matter too.

✔ You don’t have to do it all alone.

✔ Your relationship deserves care—just like your family does.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a support system, Carol App is here.

📲 Download Carol App for FREE on IOS and Android today for expert-led resources, mum-to-mum support, and a safe space to navigate motherhood together.